everything's going well.. still leading the carefree life since that very 27th feb..

started my dip in accounts course alr. first module is book-keeping yet again to refresh my memory. much more focus this time round. but too early to say i guess. i aint confident in myself either. knowing my performances in the previous courses. but i'll really try hard.

going for an interview at indochine wisma on friday.. hopefully i get the job. really need to start working again.. get my savings moving. its been stuck there for ages. expenses in singapore flying sky high and burning my pockets. raise in taxi fares and all.. more erp gantries coming up this yr and its gonna be even costly.

days been going by smoothly but seems like 2008 is a really slow year. looked back and realised its only 15 days since my disqualification. this is bad.. ive got another 350 days to go. its contradicting but well, im enjoying so far since the start of 2008. frequent sentosa trips, more devoted to skating, spending time with my dog.. somehow, i kinda learn that time passes slow when ur life is overly smooth sailing. it flies pass when ur life is haywired. it just seems that way to me..

prediction - by giving me the hot and cold treatment, mr.D is playing mind games with me. he msgs me only when he desires.. he dates me out on his own preferable schedule. yet when im out with him, he pampers me like nobody's business. he calls me up after our date and ushers me to slp.
conclusion - May never loses mind games. never once. so its final. we're through. been there done that. 14 days.. exactly 2 wks since we've reconciled. and thats quite enough for an unidentified loveship. as i supposed, this is nothing more than a fairy tale. it wont come true that a guy with such qualities would actually be a potential other half material. slapping myself back to reality and moving on. janeh!

both are aware of each other's existence and roles they play in my life. and when i saw the look on mr.Y's face.. i knew he was a real gentleman. a one in a million great guy. as i left my seat and headed off to meet mr.D just cross the street, i could feel the depression in him. i kept quiet, and left. as i was standing there with mr.D analyzing an accident which occured on the road, mr.Y came running towards me.. he handled me a bag which i apparently had totally forgotten about and actually left it at my seat. in addition, he generously gave mr.D a warm hello. i could somehow feel his pain while he handled me over to the arms of another man. im sorry..

today, ive made up my mind and smiled to myself once again. this was all gonna come to an end eventually. mr.D was out of the picture since we aint gonna be in contact sooner or later, and all these days spent with him were just gonna be kept as memories.. things could actually go pretty well with mr.Y and me.. but there were still lots of thoughts running through my mind. so im gonna hold back.. wait awhile and clear up things in my head first. mr.Y and i might not go far.. but least its worth giving it a try.. if it didnt really work out, it would still be the best for all. so well, i wouldnt be totally sure but its high chance that i will be with mr.Y.. as for when... i have really no idea..

confusion... the good and the bad always come together..
its been awhile since ive moved off with my new life. gatherings, outings and so on with the grp. its wonderful to have them by my side..

theres these two guys... shall name them mr.D and mr.Y... they're currently playing big roles in my life. they've picked me up from the dump.. i always believe that love is short spanned. its never eternity. two guys coming from total different planets.. showering their love on me. its making me crazy. mankind are born selfish and greedy, and im no exception. when im with mr.D, i'll think of mr.Y. and likewise when im with mr.Y. things start to complicate when the feelings in me grew for both. its hard to explain... but the feelings for each are different yet similar.

mr.D is the rich, sweet, humourous kinda guy.. he's two yrs older than me with a nightlife and he's gonna enlist on the 11th of march. times with him make me feel really pampered. he'd open the bottle for me, hold my clutch for me, spare me his jacket, grab my hand when im in fear.. he's the kinda guy almost every girl would want.. but on the other hand, he leaves me a mysterious shadow of himself.. ive somehow nv fell for a guy like him.. and something in me tells me its all fake. he's putting up an act. and that he's lying bout almost everything. but yet i somehow wanted him by my side..

mr.Y is the kinda down to earth, guy next door i would say.. he's those kinda typical poly guy with a day life, average financial, caring.. i would classify him in a term of "guaiguai" kind. honestly, i nv expect myself to fall for someone like him. he's totally not my kind. and it leads me wondering how things would be if i were to be with him.. i can tell that he would do anything for me and he aint those playboy kinda punk. but im really hesitating bout it..

treatment from both left me simply indecisive.. but somehow im relief. that neither had popped the question. from time to time i'd be throwing myself the question on who would i choose. friends around me had told me off that mr.Y wasnt my kinda guy. i agreed as well.. but prolly its good to try out. been wondering why mr.Y nv popped the question, and i came to a conclusion that he's prolly afraid of rejection or is unsure of my thoughts. or prolly he's just not confident of himself. as for mr.D, it was kinda easy for me to just throw it to his face and ask him bout it. and he actually replied that he didnt want to jump into things. he felt we should have a better understanding bout each other before any status was put to words..

this whole complicating stuff has led me in a serious hard mood. ive done some self reflections and decided... guess i simply wasnt ready for anything at the moment. been through too much. too fast. i need to recuperate before springing off into a different status..

small flashback bout today was my feelings towards pwx. heard news that he was suicidal. and i was kinda panicky. called up his sister to figure out more and knew that it was his usual arguments with his mom. i was relieved. and it was then did i realise that my feelings for him is nothing more than friendship. i smiled to myself and thought in my head.. 'im finally letting go.'