okay. im finally free to sit here and blog about my current busy life. haha. as mentioned. i enrolled bike and car at bbdc. and been rushing my prac and basic theory the whole wk. had my first practical on tuesday. prac 1.01. passed =) and for weds had my btl at 3.45pm and a prac at 6pm. passed as well ^^ finish prac.. qing come down fetch me.. then go down cck for bbq. next met xuan feng people at bout 12.30am at cine carpark.. went geylang.. then boon keng.. then marina square.. and lastly yishun dam. super shag. my whole body is aching cos of my practical lessons. haha. today's a public holiday so no sessions at bbdc. as for friday.. another super busy schedule. 1205 - BTL102. 1355 - prac103. 1545 - RTL101. then after bbdc will be tonning over at a chalet. haha. so by the end of this wk.. i've progressed to prac 2. and completed 2 BTL and 1 RTL. as for next week.. ive already booked RTL102 at 1545. haha super chiong ah. planning to clear all my lessons latest by end of june. then wait for tp. and god.. im so short of cash now.. cant collect all my debts.. all dragging me.. zz. hate things like that.. when u need cash.. i help u.. i never rush to collect from u.. but now when i really need it u don return.. wth man. fk it. zzz. life goes on and on and on...

posting will be done when i wakie. darn shag. super long day today..

went down to bbdc today with oliver. met gary, dora, kenneth and andy there by coincidence. enrolled for both car and bike license. and now i need money so badly. hah. next met qing for dinner at 345 then go study. realised i can go be a poa tuition teacher. lol. been teaching oliver his accounts stuff.. and some really unexpected things happened today.. but well. it shall be kept discreet. i shall learn to take bus and not cab around.. i need to save money. mom's sponsoring me for car but not bike. i'll have to settle it myself. and after i get my license i'll ask her to buy a bike for me =x the xian zhan hou zhou way. lol. wonder how will things turn out.. booked a 6pm practical for tml.. and a 3.45pm basic theory lesson for weds. hoping to book another prac before or after my btl. praying theres slot =P now bbdc's gonna be my second home. haha. after mugging till like 12.30am.. went to NUS prata to have supper. ive been going to prata shop everyday since like almost a wk ago. no wonder im having throat infection. oh and i seriously need to go for a full body checkup. since i started having serious gastric on 22nd may.. sickness never left me. now its throat infection.. and im having quite bad rashes over my leg. seriously dunno when im gonna get all healthy and pumped up again.. wish me health!

proud to turn 18 =)

just back from ahboy. gonna go out soon hehe. bought him a helmet for his advance birthday pressie. and my new helmet =) striking the mfizz evo II helmet off my wishlist. yay~

dang.. im down with gastric. was slping the whole of 22nd may. lol. thanks to qing who came over and look after me right after school. he bought porridge for me.. then brought me to the doc. the doctor told me that if the pain does not subside in a wk or so.. i'll have to be admitted to the hospital for a thorough checkup. suspected to be stomach ulcer or gastricitis. badbadbad.. hurhur. now im eating like some trash can.. just eat and eat.. cant wait till im fully recovered. friday going ahboy buy helmet. sat go eat birthday dinner then go club.. no plans for my actual day yet.. then monday im goin bbdc to register for bike and car. hopefully i can book a bike BTL in the afternoon. then a bike prac at night. haha. hopefully larhs. zzz. ive got like bloody 6 pills to take.. damn it..

just reached home awhile ago.. today's a tiring day. slept for 5hrs last night.. woke up.. pack the hse.. then met jj brand qing at 345 kopitiam. go down bottle tree village.. then go down cine meet devil angel people. then go down dam.. then katong to eat.. then home. im totally worn out now and ive got to wake up at like 9.30am for homeschool. lol.. damn it.. and its my mom's birthday today. gotta accompany her.. which means no slp till tonight.. zzz.

after months of mia-ing from the rink i finally returned ytd.. qing sent me down to je. went skating with jj brand and ven.. then bout 10+ qing came down to fetch me. was gonna rain.. so brand went to jj's house. and qing came over my place. then brand and jj came over. slacked.. watch the incredibles on disney channel.. and went out at about 1.30am. went down geylang to meet a group of bikers.. and met a long time no see friend.. samuel kang! haha. nxt we went to ECP to see bike race =) i bloody feel like getting a bike asap. haha. i will. on 28th may im gonna go enroll for both car and bike licenses ^^ cant wait. went home after ECP. jj was like totally shag alr. and i was like sian cos of the weather. hopefully tonight will go well. dont rain.. and hope we have places to go. hah. cant wait to meet them tonite.

SNK~! today SNK meet again. thank you so much. i had to be a good girl today cos my mom havent seen me in a wk. so i decided to stay home today. and they decided to come over to my place! mahjong.. slack.. chill.. haha. cant wait for tml. rounding =) and tml we're gonna wear our SNK shirt. haha. i went to queensway to collect it today. oh and btw. an sms has been bothering me these days.. its by hanbing - my sec sch friend. the msg goes like this "u sure thats the happiness you're seeking for? this feeling is only temporary. after all this you will know what you really wan" ive been throwing that question to my heart over and over again. and thanks to a friend who i havent met in ages. and he accompanied me to queensway. he msged me "regarding just now about the ahppiness thingy.. no matter is short term or long term, it doesnt really matter. as long as you cherish the happiness now. there's nothing you would regret about" after reading this msg.. i let out a sigh of relief. things in my head just cleared up. why should i bother how long is this gonna last. now that i have it.. i should just treasure it ^^ life goes on.. and on.. and on.. im just so excited bout tml. after like god knows how many months.. im going back to skating tml! haha. yay! then after that go home change.. then go rounding.. hehe. tml's gonna be another long day.. guess i wont be home till 5+ in the morn. haha.

today is yet another wonderful day. i havent seen my mom since like 11th. havent had the time to look after my dog.. im feeling so stressed out all over again. i need my space man. just reach home not long ago.. today.. shag ah. haha. 1+ got woken up by one of my dears. bring me go eat.. 10mins later he pop up at my door. i slowly bathe and all. 2+ go down alexandra. jq bring his bike go workshop. go queensway shop.. then go bathe motorshop wait till like nearing 7pm. jj come down. go back toh guan. then go enter meet brand. next riffle range. then hillview. in the end i wanted to eat cold desert. at there call call call. find got where. ended up going down 99 bends and went pasir panjang food center. reach there closed. total turn off. ended up calling oliver and another brandon down. makan.. then labrador park. now im like finally home. damnn shag. hah. gonna be a good girl tml. afternoon go collect some stuff from queensway. then stay at home. continuous 3 days ive been at queensway area. god.. haha. but tml gotta go down alone. all working and studying ><

ok. i shall update on my new life before i go to bed. ive gotten over things. well i wont say totally.. but least quite a bit. thanks to my 4 dears. haha. yes! now that ive lost 1 i got another 4! each treat me in their own diff ways. which make me feel sooo darn pampered. the 4 jun nans just cant stop make me laughing. junjie. junqing. junrong. qijun. haha. on the 11th was supposed to be me and pwx's 2yrs anniversary. he rejected my plead to gif another chance yet again. so.. well.. i told myself that im giving up. im gonna fk care this whole damn thing. and change my life all once again. 11th which was a friday.. went town for coffee.. went jurong to meet the skaters. went zouk to send steven to work.. then went town to chill again. 12th was ytd. went town for movie.. then my place to mahjong.. then hv for coffee.. then town again to meet up with a grp of bikers.. then chongpang chill.. then yishun dam rounding.. then timah coffee.. 13th which is today.. went hv coffee.. then geylang to eat beef horfun and dou jiang you tiao.. then loyang paipai.. haha. cant really count to how many places ive been these days man. im really in love with those 4 pple. haha. im enjoying every bit of my life now. jj has been by my side when things started to change.... ven could secure me.. when i hugged him i just feel so safe and i could just burst into tears of comfort.. brand is always making me smile.. always there to accompany me.. junqing.. haha.. my lil xiao bai. these days its all thanks to him that i could travel round. im like he's full time pillion rider on his dearest wife - his fireblade. haha. he's always ready for me without a second word. he's just there when i needed him.. these 4 people.. i treat them equally and really treasure each and every one of them. 2nd -11th of may are the worst days of my life. and from 11th.. my once ever darkened life has regained its spectrum. enchanted.. filled with colours..

i just really cant seem to get him out of my head. till this very moment.. im still in hopes that he'll come back to me. i miss him so much. now i really know how much he means to me.. how well he've treated me but i did not treasure what i had. and now when things are gone.. i realise wad im missing. i just wish to have a healthy relatioship with him. me as his gf will be there to support him.. then he'll be there to support me.. we'll go out maybe once a wk on his off day.. sleep early every night and just chat on the phone rather than meeting up every single day.. ive thought through and these are how things should be.. but im just too late. the other day i went to loyang. i prayed hard.. prayed that people around me will be loved and i just hope that he'll come back to me. i pray that everybody will lead a peaceful life. i miss him soo much. words just simply cant describe how i feel. i dont need that honeymoon period we used to have. just u by my side will comfort this fragile broken heart of mine. i dare not ask him to come back anymore. i dont wish him to hate me. now im just trying to give him some space. and hope he accepts me again. life is just dragging on day by day. afternoon i work to kill my time. after work i just try and find things to do. and i even sleep with my mom now. im scared to be alone. i dont wanna anyhow think bout this. but god just gave me the ability to multitask too well. people around me keep telling me.. dont think so much. yes. ive tried. and im still trying. point is.. even when im doing stuff i keep thinking bout him. i miss u baby.. i really do..

thanks everybody. understanding how much friends ive got. i will be strong. ive given up on this man. he is not worth me doing anymore. i have tried to get back with him and even begged him to be with me again. but he turned me down. today. ive accepted every single thing that im going through. with the help of my mom. my friends.. i will stand up again.. he will be the one knowing what he did was wrong. i will no longer say a word. i have had enough of all this torment. ive got money. ive got friends. ive got my mom who is always there for me. and what have u got. what have u given up. what have u take for granted for these days. nevermind. you thought me to be generous. and now im doing everything for a better may. i no longer know how to hate someone as i mentioned. but ive clearly seen how a man can treat a woman after all the sugar coated words and promises. im going to wipe it all off my mind. ive already went over the line to save the relationship.. and things did not work out. its ok. uve changed. and people around me just keep telling me that im just too foolish to soak my feet into things too deeply. ive thrown in too much heart and soul into this relationship thats why i couldnt let it go.. but things will never be the same again...

today is the ever worst day of my entire life. and this statement is not an impulsive one.. i mean it. i dread the coming of this. he left me. till this very moment, im still in hopes that he would come back to me. or get touched by the photo album i gave him. or by any means just love me again. i was wrong.. i was being stupid and ignorant. why didnt i pick up any hints earlier. why didnt i notice this coming. you'll only treasure what you lose. that is so true.. i have never blamed him or hated him for leaving. its retribution.. karma.. its because of what ive done through the relationship that forced him to leave me. that very message of breaking up broke my heart instantly.. till now. at this very moment, im missing him. hoping for another last hug. another last kiss. i dont know when i can get over this. or how.. ive dreamt of wonderful things about him. like us having a very simple and sweet future. but never did i know that all was just a dream. i looked back on the photos we took. the messages we wrote. sometime back.. not sure when. i wrote this to him.. -im a fcuked up girl. im not a good girlfriend. i treat u like shiet. i feel we should go separate ways.- and he wrote back this message which made me cry.. -i knew what kind of a person u are. and i love you. you are already my laopo. you are my last girl.- looking back at that.. i thought to myself.. when in a relationship, u can promise and say everything. but when u lose your feelings. u just throw those words away. and do what you want. i accepted that. and i do not blame him. suddenly i just dont know how it is like and how to hate someone. is that good or bad.. if i hated him.. would things be easier for me? i let myself into being hurt. i was the one who brought all this upon myself. and if only i could turn back time. if only i could...