"i think i need to clarify one thing with u... i dont intend to patch back..." this sentence shooked me awake. im gonna move on.. whether or not i go out everyday till wee hrs.. or whose bike i sit.. or who i talk to... or whether or not i step into a r/s. i guess all wont bother u anymore. as hard as i tried to keep u to my heart.. now im gonna try as hard to pull u out. im feeling fooled by your words like a toy. if we've broken up. dun bother trying to control me or keep me by your side when u dont intend to be tgt anymore. so... IM SINGLE! hah.

ive had somehow enough... ive bottled up all my feelings and im gonna explode like anytime.. wad exactly is hindering us from being tgt.. wad exactly are u thinking bout.. u know well enough that u've taken the whole of my heart away. and when i threw the question back at u whether u have me in ur heart.. u replied with a yes. somehow if u replied a no.. i guess i could take things easier.. now i totally understand the pinch.. when two people have each other in their hearts and not being able to be tgt.. is much painful than one sided love.. do u know what ive been through these days? im not even myself. i tried.. i really tried to get u out of my head.. but i just cant bring a true smile across my face.. i dont wanna get my life stuck at this very moment.. its either we both move on in our own ways.. or we move on tgt... day by day... its like a living hell. its tormenting me mentally..

gonna go for my prac later at 6pm. and hopefully i can pass. hopefully im able to keep a clear mind. its the bloody fourth time im goin for prac 4.02 and my RTT is coming on thurs. i wanna get to 5.02 by then. i just wish i could like lose my memory this instant. after wx, i finally picked myself up and understand the importance of friendship... importance of joy in life.. i dont wanna go back to who i was before.. my aim now is im gonna concentrate on my bike license.. get my bike asap. and study well for my o's. and yes im thinking of getting a tattoo. but not sure bout it yet. im still in serious consideration.. feedback will be welcomed.. but dun tell me things like regret and stuff. thats the bloody reason why im so hesitant bout it.

thought i could see him today.. waited... but guess he just dont wanna see me at all. filled my left hand with drawings while waiting.. emo emo emo...

life hasnt been any bit better since the day we broke up.. everything turned sour overnight.. i really dunno why things are happening this way.. if we cant be lovers.. must we really hate each other? i just wanna treasure u as a friend.. yet ure turning ur back from us.. my first friday without him bring me out since may 11th. the feeling is really horrid.. i nv expect to see u at dam.. when i saw u i was afraid of u seeing me.. when u rode pass me my heart ached so bad.. its like a knife piercing through it.. my heart is with u and i cant get u out of my head no matter how hard i try.. failed my prac today.. reason.. over focus. and why? cos i know i will keep thinking bout others things and not concentrate.. so i kept saying aloud to myself.. "may.. just pass ur prac and get ur license.. do it well.. dun tink bout any other things" and in the end i got too nervous and i couldnt even stay on narrow plank a single time.. i did wide turns for all junctions.. i braked over the red line for all my ebrake tries.. i striked kerb at crank course and s course.. and my engine stalled on slope. everything just went wrong. i miss u soo badly.. its been 3 days since ive seen u.. talked to u.. how i wish the one sending me home from dam was u.. how i wish the one bringing me out on roundings was u.. how i wish the one by my side now is u... what exactly is bothering u.. yes i agree. SNK to hell with it.. since we've already turned into a state like this.. i cant be bothered bout anything anymore.. i just really wish to hug u... and hear a word from u...

okay.. its just a wk that i got back with him.. and now im single again! dont know why things turned out like that.. but well. nvm.. i dun wanna bother much alr.. anyway~ passed my 4.01 today. tml going for 4.02. hehe. im getting closer and closer to my bike~ yay! SNK FOR LIFE!

passed my prac on friday.. so now my progress for my bike license is..
180607 - Prac 4.01 (S Course, Crank Course)
280607 - Riding Theory Test

seriously lazy to blog recently.. since ive got nothing to do now.. then fine.. i shall update. =) been busy with my bike pracs lately.. finally passed my evaluation after the 5th try.. and now im at prac 3.02 which i just failed today. damn the instructor.. all the way smile smile at me.. nv bother to correct me. in the end just fail me. wad an ass. nvm. just take it as im unlucky. had a minor accident at pylon on 12th june.. now both of my legs are filled with blue blacks. lol. hmm.. wad else.. bout my r/s probs. its done with.. things have cleared up.. the story goes like this.. i'll use 'mm' for me. and 'qq' for him. for the recent days.. mm felt qq drifting further.. and the feeling was super hot cold. so mm couldnt take it and asked qq wad exactly he wanted.. one night.. qq msged mm on msn.. "i tink it was just a crush." mm though shocked but calmed down.. and accepted reality.. mm told qq. "ok.. then wad is it that u want now? to break up or wad?" qq said.. "later then msg u let me cool down" so mm waited and waited.. qq msged mm "meet 345 (a coffeeshop at our area)" mm left the house in a jiffy and went over to 345.. at bout 4am. qq and mm sat there till like 5.15am without a solution of wad to do.. mm was out of patience.. and said.. "forget it.. lets break up" so qq sent mm home.. and mm felt empty deep down inside but kept a smile on her face all the while.. the next day.. qq insisted to fetch mm to bbdc. so mm agreed. at mm's void deck, qq said "this morning when i woke up, i really feel like seeing u. i miss u.. can we take back wad happened last night?" mm was lost for words.. she sat there.. in a dilemma. she turned to qq and asked.. "if we continue are u sure u can put ur full heart into this r/s." qq gave mm a super serious look and nodded lightly.. mm turned away.. still thinking of wad to do.. in the end.. mm gave qq a kiss and both smiled.. end of story! haha. one sentence which brand told me is really true.. u'll only treasure wad uve lost...

i realise words are easier spoken than done. its so true.. i thought i was strong.. but when it came.. i just couldnt be strong. im afraid now.. im afraid to love. or be loved. enough is enough. two times in a row.. to think i had to consider for sucha long time whether i should proceed with him.. turned out that things happened the way i was afraid it would.. im gonna stay single already.. i dont wanna hurt myself again. if i rejected him in the first place. or wasnt that close.. guess things wouldnt turn out this way.. what my mom said is true.. make sure the guy loves u more than u love him. make sure he commits more than u. else ure making yourself suffer. i will not sit any other bikes alr. this is a promise i made to him and myself. i'll put all my concentration on my bike license now. and rush for july's tp. and get my own bike. i can go wherever i want to then... missing him.. but theres nothing i can do.. as i always say.. life goes on...

i swear being home on a friday night after everything went wrong today is the worst thing that can ever happen. fcuk all this shiet. cleared prac 2.01 and 2.02 in a try.. just failed prac3.01 today. buang at plank. lol. fk la. nvm.. go RTE.. ytd got 84% fail.. today 86% still fail.. i guess monday i go i 88% fail. then tues then pass lo. zzz. go rink.. knn its the first time i fell since ages. fkin rental dunno how to skate kindly get ur ass off the center. landed slightly above my ass where the muscles are. and on my elbow. thanks ah. yes and after all this nonsense.. ive got to freakin stay home on a friday night. well done. so much for looking forward to today..

just finish baking a cheese cake for my baby. went cold storage holland village at like 12.30am just now.. haha. cabbed there and cabbed back.. spent like 38 bucks on ingredients. hah. trying out a new recipe so hope it turns out well.. and today is a total shiet day. cleared all my BTL already.. and i failed the damn prac103. taking my RTL102 and prac103 again tml.. hopefully i can pass..

camwhoring before going hv...

yes. he is my baby.. Chen Jun Qing =) shag.. BTL102 and prac103 tml. ><

totally boring today.. rounding was like a turnoff. im like so darn moodless now. though i just reached home. but its all thanks to rotting at bus stop with qing and brand.. go kent ridge park wait for pple.. go ecp for nothing.. then come back west side.. zzz. like w/e larhs. wash my brain pls. wadeva it is.. im just gonna chiong my license. i dun wanna bother so much bout anything else. full stop.

dang. missed my BTL102 on friday cos i couldnt get up.. next it started to rain.. so missed my prac103 as well. nvm.. book monday 1545 BTL102 and 1800 prac103. then tues will be my RTL102 then book my RTE. then wait for RTT and carry on my prac. hurhur. well.. went for my RTL101 ytd.. darn shag. after that.. go home change.. go down sgbikeforum bbq at ECP. then go pasir ris chalet. ton over and reached home bout 3pm this afternoon. now im gonna go meet bebe makan.. then at night rounding.. cant wait to get my own bike. zzz. rawr!!!!!